restless peasant: life, changing :

Lagom

With idea generation not being a particular problem, I live in what I’ve always thought was confusion about how to keep track of creative ideas, how to turn them into real projects, and how to see those projects through to any sort of conclusion. Failing to note them down causes anxiety that they will be forgotten. Noting them down causes anxiety that there are just too many ideas, projects and dreams to follow and no where near enough time to do so. Maybe the problem isn’t a problem, but a built in sense of what’s right. After all, a long time ago I used to worry at length about why I can’t make myself do stuff sometimes, only to ponder it and find out that it’s because somewhere in the gut I know I wasn’t doing it for the right reason in the first place. Could the same be true of these projects building up in lists and notes? Are they there for the wrong reasons? Are they vanity projects?  Maybe. But, I think for at least some of them the problem isn’t a problem, it’s a way of life that is ingrained in  me and it is probably best described by the Swedish word Lagom. I’ve always liked old Volvos for their other worldliness when compared to ordinary cars like Fords and Vauxhalls. I’ve always liked the idea of Ikea and feel good there. When I fish, I use only old ABU Cardinals and Ambassadeurs. I played with Lego extensively as a child. Truth is, I’m taken with Scandinavia and Nordic stuff. I’m a sucker for Wallander, Lund and Salander. Is Lagom what’s been happening to me? Am I just deeply aware of what’s enough and unable to fight it? Is this why I can’t even force myself to do stuff, to maximise ideas for greater financial gain? Is this due to there being an obvious trade off with time being used for stuff that deep down I maybe don’t want to be connected with. Is this why I am a knappeter and not a high flying go-getter?  


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